One thing that was very evident was her self defeating language. When she described what was causing her so much pain she'd say things like "they're attacking me"...... "I feel victimized"...... "I feel like they gang up on me"...... After a while I had to interrupt her conversation and call attention to the words she chose to use to describe the situation. "The reason you are so emotional over the situation, I said, "is because you think that you've created yourself as a victim in the situation. You're feeling bad because you see yourself as being powerless. In situations where others are ganging up and attacking someone, that person has no power.....the attacker does.
But who in reality is establishing those individuals as powerful attackers? She was. And she was doing it solely through her language. Actually, no one attacked her. Sure, words were spoken, but when I asked her to tell me exactly what was said, she repeated a set of questions that were asked of her which she interpreted as an attack. In actuality, the questions were valid. The other parties were asking her if she was going to follow through with statement she previously made. Nothing about the question was an attack....but it was perceived as such.
We have to remember that our description of our situations and circumstance is a direct reflection of how we view it. Our actions are directly connected to how we view a situation. She viewed the situation as an "attack" which led her to the emotional outpouring. Let me give you an example, one person walks into a room and sees a pit bull dog and instantly becomes afraid. Another walks into the same room, sees the dog and wants to go pet it. What's the difference? Person A says to herself that the dog is dangerous, person B calls the dog adorable. It's what the person is saying to herself that creates her reality.
It's absolutely critical to be aware of the language you are using in every situation. Language will provide you a first hand look of whether you see yourself as having power or being powerless. If you want to start your own business but often use language that demonstrates doubt, you will remain in a place of inaction.
Powerful language is not typically a default way of speaking. It must be cultivated and practiced. Speaking in a power-full way involves focusing on what you can do in any given situation to turn in around. Maybe you can't fix it just yet, but there's always something you can do to impact it. The goal is to shift the direction of your thoughts and emotion to a place where you can find your power. Some people might use the term "positive language" but sometimes, when the situation seems dire, it's hard to be positive. In such cases, the goal becomes to look for any sign of defeating language and CHOSE not to engage.
Whenever things aren't going the way I want, the first thing I do is ask myself "what can I do about this?" Sometimes it takes just one new thought or action to shift things around. The end goal is to change the direction your are headed in. It's like if you're driving then realize that you are going the wrong way (if you are speaking negatively about a situation, you are going the wrong way). What do you do next? Do you push on the gas and keep going down the wrong street? No, you stop, put the car in reverse and turn around.
If you'd like to inquire about 1 on 1 coaching with me to help you reach your goals 2015 contact me so we can discuss. I'd love to work with you!
